Voices Carry
by Nicole Lo
Summary: Lizzie has always been the innocent, overly happy and clumsy teen that everyone loves. Too bad that none of that has changed and she's the same. So, she decides to make a change, but life plays a cruel trick on her in the process. A TWO shot!
1. So No One Can Hear

So No One Can Hear

**'When I tell him that I'm falling in love why does he say, "'Hush. Hush. Keep it down now. Voices carry."' –Til Tuesday **

Written by: Nicole Lopez

Disclaimer: I do not own any television shows that I write fics for. Nor do I own the lyrics.

* * *

I had changed. No, maybe it I was changing or I am changing or, whatever. The moment Ethan Craft looked at me, I knew it was over. He was one of those remarkably good-looking guys who could have anyone they wanted, literally.

On paper, he wasn't that smart, but the things he said when it was just the two of us, were brilliant. See, Ethan, like I, was just acting. He pretended to be stupid and got praised for it.

I continued up my innocent act, which was more like a reality than an act, and was a loser for it. So imagine my surprise when Ethan and I were paired for a project that Kate couldn't wriggle me out of.

See Kate Sanders was like the Nicole Ritchie/Lindsay Lohan of the school. Blonde, well-proportioned, and super, uber popular. Plus, she was dating Ethan. Any time anyone was partnered with him, that wasn't a member of her clique, she had the groups switched. Most teachers didn't mind changing their groups.

Our new teacher did. He didn't have any concept of high school hierarchy, ether that or he didn't care, so when she gave him some excuse about the football team members needing to be paired together due to scheduling limitations, Mr. Vancouver just looked at her. And that was the end.

I had long ago given up my thoughts of Ethan Craft, just like I left behind ideas of me ever being an early bloomer, especially because I was almost sixteen and had no drop of blood to prove it. Everyone around me could have _kids, _and I still didn't know how to work a tampon.

I kept that little fact from my mother, going through the motions, buying boxes of tampons and maxi pads that never got used. I'm sure she knew something was weird, but we never talked about it. That's what our relationship had dissolved into.

The recent death of Nana hit her harder than the rest of us. Depressed was her new middle name, so I enlisted the help of the only other person I could. Miranda Sanchez. I tried all sorts of 'tricks' to make it come on quicker—eating hormone-injected foods, taking estrogen pills, and I even had the stupid idea of taking Miranda's birth control pills for a while.

None of it worked. I finally decided that it wasn't going to come. Sixteen and a half was just too late. But part of me didn't want to hear that finalized by the words of a doctor. So I never went. I just accepted it, until I turned 17. But, I had heard stories of girls not getting theirs until they were 18 and 19. I still had 2.5 more years left.

Life played many tricks on me during my junior year, the most prominent one dealing with Ethan Craft. He was the thing I attributed to my change, that and the passing of my Nana.

Ninety-eight years had been good to her, but not so good to a sixteen and half year old, who had never lost anyone significant in her life, besides the countless pets my brother Matt had killed with his neglect.

This was on a completely different hemisphere. That's when it began. With Nana gone, I suddenly realized why people said that life was short. I knew why no one understood my never-ending optimism. I was beginning to lose it too.

Then, fate stepped in and dealt me Ethan Craft. Our project was to present a scene from Wuthering Heights. We could update it; keep it the same, whatever as long as we got the meaning of the play.

"What scene do you want to do?" I asked still thinking about my Nana. I was waiting for Ethan to say something stupid like 'the car chasing scene' something.

"Why don't we remake it? There are so many violent moments between Catherine and Heathcliff… why don't we just put that in a socially relevant time? Maybe we can talk about abusive relationships or--"

"Wow." I breathed through a smile, blushing immediately after because of my dorkiness.

"You think I'm just a stupid jock?"

"Yeah. I mean no … I've never really gotten to know you Ethan so I honestly don't know, but after hearing what you just said, I'm relieved. And really inspired." I smiled to myself.

That's how it had begun. Every time we met up for the project, Ethan revealed even more of himself to me. It got to the point where I didn't see him as a stupid person or even a jock, he was just awesome. Everything I had wanted.

So here I was, a month later, totally falling in love with Ethan Craft again, but on a completely different level. We shared really intimate moments together. I told him how it felt to lose my Nana, how I was started to feel this overwhelming anxiety about it.

When would it be my turn? What if I died tomorrow? I knew I wouldn't be happy with my life because I hadn't lived it. As I rambled on and on about how I was really feeling, Ethan seemed to _get _me. The next time I saw him, he looked at me in that total Jack-Rose Titanic way.

And he kissed me—truly, madly, deeply. From then on, I was his … but secretly. In theory, Ethan was with Kate, but in all the ways that counted, he was with me.

I waited for Ethan almost daily at his house. He showed me a way to sneak in and everything … he didn't want to have to explain our situation to his parents. It was getting so complicated that I didn't even know what we _were._

It was okay that he was sort of 'hiding' me. As long as he was finally let me tell him how I felt about him—that I was willing to do anything or him, to keep him—it was fine. I smiled, looking around his room. He hadn't cleaned up his room for me today, but I loved how it was filled with this smell.

Ethan's smell. I had begun to know it well. I was so hopelessly _into _him.

"What are you smiling for? Been waiting long?" I shook my head, back to reality.

"What did you bring me? I'm starving." I admitted, as Ethan showed me a Moe's bag. "I love it." I whispered.

"Good." Ethan pulled me in for a light kiss, nibbling on my lip a little.

"Stop." I pleaded jokingly. "I wish we could do this somewhere else." I hinted referring to how he was keeping me away from everyone, even his parents.

"Next time we'll go to Smithfield." He offered taking the first bite of my burrito, although he claimed to hate Southwestern food.

"Honey, you know that's not what I mean." I sighed, picking over my food. "I hate hiding from everyone."

"I do too." Ethan promised. "You know how it is."

"What if I became a cheerleader, or was really popular?" I asked hypothetically. "I'm still a good gymnast." I offered.

Ethan sighed. "Let's not talk about this." He begged, laying down beside me and caressing my hand softly. "It won't work. This, unfortunately, is the only way we can be together."

"Ethan." I began. What if I told him the truth, that I loved him, that I was ready to take the next step with him. "I lo—"

"You don't have to say a word." He kissed me passionately as the food plopped onto the floor. Things intensified, with Ethan bare-chested and me in nothing but my bra and panties. "Sorry." He backed off suddenly.

We had talked barriers before. I told him we'd never do that, not until I was older. Twenty or twenty-one. I'd always told myself that, but that Lizzie seemed so far away from this one.

"Don't … stop. I want to." I whispered softly, still astonished by what this 'changing' Lizzie had said. "It's okay. We don't even have to use …" My voice trailed off. How awkward was this. "I can't get pregnant." I decided finally.

"Why not?" Ethan wondered, holding me close.

"Bad luck." I lied. I couldn't tell him I didn't have my period yet. It would be too weird. "Before we do this … I want you to know that I love you." I whispered, feeling my body ache like it had never done before.

I realized that I wanted this. I _really _did.

"Shh. Let's just be quiet about this. No one has to know." Ethan led the way as I nodded like a child. He was teaching me. He had done this before, I knew it and now, it was finally my turn.

As Ethan proceeded in exploring my body, and I moved, in awe over his, I could feel the cold air on my bare back. I hadn't even noticed that more of my clothes had gone missing.

'You want this,' I told myself as I paused and shifted awkwardly. There was this weird thing happening to me now. Was it that I was becoming a woman? Was this what it felt like? I felt grimy.

"Ethan?" I looked up at him with questioning eyes. "Can I … can we stop for a second?" He nodded, unable to hide his disappointment.

"I have to use the bathroom anyway." He removed himself from the insides of my knees.

I sat up, disgusted with myself. I was still a goody-good. Ethan Craft was cheating on Kate for me and I couldn't even do this little thing?

Miranda would die if she ever knew how close I came to my dream, and then flaked. If she could—I stopped myself. That horrible sensation that I had been feeling earlier hadn't stopped.

It was a sign. I got out of Ethan's bed, making sure to keep the covers wrapped around my prepubescent body. As I glanced back at the bed, what could have been, I noticed a weird spot on the white sheets. It was a reddish brown—wait a second. I wiggled the sheet cover around that I had had on. It had similar spots on it.

Oh, fate … Fate had played a cruel trick on me. Out of all the times to make that transition into womanhood, my body had decided to do it now, just when I was about to give away my virginity.

With a few quick motions, I bawled up all the two sheets and rushed to put on my clothes. I didn't have anything that resembled a maxi pad with me.

I would have to go home like this and figure out how to explain this to Ethan later.

* * *

A/N:. I'm doing a bunch of one-shot stories for all the categories I write in. If you want more of my Lizzie fics, check out "False Self." Thanks! I took the advice of a reviewer (thanks Christy) and revised it. --NL 


	2. Cause My Mind Plays Tricks on Me

Cause My Mind Plays Tricks on Me

**'One hand's just reaching out and one's just hanging on. It seems my weaknesses just keep going strong. Head over heels no time to think. Looks like the whole world's out of sync. ' –The Go-Goos**

* * *

As if my induction into womanhood hadn't been traumatic enough, that was only the beginning of a series of non-Leave-it-to-Beaver moments.

I rushed out of the house as soon as I could. At that moment, I didn't know what I had picked up or what I had left, but it didn't matter. I was mortified. This was absolutely, the most embarrassing moment of my life. I sighed, as I ran down the street with a sheet trailing after me.

I was such a loser that I didn't even have my own car. I couldn't drive away like normal people, I'd have to sit and wait for someone to come and get me, or worse ... take the ten mile walk of shame home.

"Miranda... can you come get me?" I called the closest friend that I had. When she picked me up that embarrassing night, she didn't even say anything and I was relieved. How could I explain why she was picking me up in the middle of town with me in nothing but a bra and a white bed sheet?

"So this will tell you all you need to know." Miranda looked at me, concerned and prolonging the moment by holding the tampon instructions just out of my reach as if questioning whether or not I got it. When I took it, she knew.

"I ... don't understand it." My brows furred together as I tried to process this, all of this was so overtly over my head that I obviously didn't have a clue, or maybe it was like that sensory overload where too many things were happening simultaneously and I couldn't process it all. "Is this really my life?" I asked as Miranda hugged me in response.

"You're just feeling emotional right now. It's a normal period thing."

"I'm really scared Miranda. What if it doesn't _stop _or what if I can't control it? Worse, what if everyone knows about it?"

"They already assume you have it anyway." She shrugged. "Look, here's the tampon. It's really easy you just unwrap it and push and it stays." She explained slowly.

"Doesn't it feel weird, I mean..." My mind wondered back to Ethan going to all these adult places I didn't think they would, at least not while I was still Lizzie, _this _12-year-old rhythmic gymnast who only wanted to be Kate's friend again.

"You'll get used to it." Miranda answered.

"Huh?" I asked. Did I say what I was thinking out loud? Did she know...

"The tampon feels weird at first, but you'll get used to it and praise God for it. It's like the best invention since indoor plumbing." I nodded numbly trying to get my head out of the gutter.

I didn't see Ethan the next day, for the very fact that I had severe cramps and for once, this excuse was legitimate. However insignificant and over-rated I thought they were, I was wrong. It felt like something was gnawing through my body from the inside out with their teeth like nails and every once in a while I would get this sharp hammer-like pain so deep down in my uterus.

There weren't enough Aspirins in the world for it and the worst part was how the hanging lamp in the room now shone like an elongated bolt of lightning that had no intention of stopping. And then there was Matt. The sound of Matt, the touch of him, the _smell_. I could smell his cheap cologne which reminded me of peanut butter, pimiento cheese, and a bean burrito all rolled into one. It was sickening.

When he finally went off to school and mom decided to let me stay home for a day, it felt like half of my pain was alleviated. I just needed to find a nice bag of chocolate bars and stay away from the Lifetime movie network ... or anything that would make me want to cry out every tear in my body.

* * *

"You bailed." Ethan breathed on my neck as I shuddered, bewildered that he was in such close proximity to me, at my locker, and in the middle of the hallway. "You bailed Lizzie." He repeated once he saw that I intended to act like a mute.

"Something really important happened and I couldn't tell you--"

"Did I do something to make you run out and then ditch school?"

"Ethan, it's so complicated." I sighed. I wanted to explain to him how this felt, the fact that I was bleeding right now and I had absolutely no energy left to survive the day, but I had to somehow. This was so ... hard.

"I never wanted to make you feel pressured about--"

"Ethan, I've been calling you for about a minute now." Kate intervened, her claws coming out and her senses telling her to come and protect her territory.

"Sorry Katy Bee." Ethan immediately turned away from me. "Lizzie and I were just--"

"Finished. You're done." Kate stepped in between us and then moved so close to Ethan that the air in between them felt suffocated. "I missed you." She muttered, staring at me the entire time. I wanted to look away, I really did, but I just watched. Kate was going to kiss him, this guy that I was obsessed with and I had to just stand there and take it. Say nothing.

"Kate, we were talking about the project."

"Later for that." She answered, pouting her lips and pressing them against Ethan's sloppily. Ugh. I suddenly felt so sick and queasy like the contents of my entire breakfast would just spill out right there, in front of my feet. It didn't and Kate coerced Ethan into leaving me as I stood around like a dummy.

"Waiting for someone?" Gordo and Miranda appeared by my side.

"No one more important than you two." I turned my thoughts _away _from Ethan. That bean burrito, pimiento cheese smell was starting up again. I would take anything that would get my mind off of Mr. Craft.

Quickly was I reminded of him once the crew and I walked into fourth period Advanced English Lit. And of course, there was Ethan.

I sat down beside my friends as the two of them started engaging in a conversation that was completely boring to me. They might as well have been talking about sock lint, for I heard nothing. Too busy watching Ethan and wondering what he was thinking, I was pulled back into the loop once they asked me a question, which meant that I had to stop looking at him.

"What did you say?"

"Are you okay?" Gordo asked as I looked to Miranda who looked to the floor. Looked like someone had been blabbing all about me.

"I'm not okay. I'm _more _than okay." I smiled, trying to dig deep and find that happy, naive, innocent girl because she was who I was. All this angst was driving me crazy because I didn't know who _that _person was or how to handle her.

* * *

"What do you think about this?" Ethan wondered, handing me a piece of paper.

"What is it?" I rolled my eyes still disappointed about how he acted towards me earlier when Kate was around. When I unfolded the piece of paper, I saw that it had an address on it, and number, and date. "Okay … I still don't get it."

"There's a black and white party theme going on. Kate can't make it." He explained.

"So I'm supposed to replace her? I can't do that and you know it." I handed the paper back. "Now … back to the project. I—"

"I'm serious about this. I want to show you off." He joked, nudging me playfully. If we were actually in public, this would've been a monumental moment, but we were in the public library, in the basement area where no one ever went. There was dust down here older than me. I sighed.

"What's the problem?" Ethan wondered, tucking my hair behind my ear playfully.

"Kate would flip out and then kill me. It'd be social suicide."

"I thought you didn't care about that stuff." Ethan answered back. "Look, it's in a couple of weeks and I can have my mom get you whatever kind of outfit you want before it comes out on the market." He promised, holding my hand and then playing with it. Soon after, he placed a small trinket in my hand. "I think this will look good with it."

"I haven't said yes yet."

"Yet?" Ethan smiled. "That means you're going to say yes right?" He begged, looking me in the eyes and kissing me suavely.

"I don't know. It'll be weird because we won't get to do this." I kissed him back daringly. "Or hold hands or even … talk too much." My brows furred.

"I promise I'll make time for you. We'll find a room. Hide out. Skip the party early. You know I won't be able to go the night without thinking about you," He said.

I just sighed. "Ethan … that's kind of the point. I want to be with you and not have to hide it."

"Lizzie, as much as I want to, I can't commit to that. Kate is my girlfriend. That's how it was meant to be. I could sit here and lie and say that I'm going to dump her, but I won't and it has nothing to do with me loving her or even standing her presence. It's just … business."

Then and there I wanted to scream at Ethan to tell him how much I loved him and … this didn't make sense to me. I understood the high school hierarchy which I hope didn't extend onto adult life, but if he didn't have anything good to say about her then why were they together? Why did he always hide me? Was he ashamed?

"You didn't put it on." He commented, taking the necklace from my hand and placing it around my neck carefully. "That's better." He whispered, his lips meeting the sensitive spot behind my right ear. "Even sweeter." Ethan breathed, continuing to kiss me until he reached my neck.

"You win." I gave in with a smile.

"I can't hear you." Ethan continued.

"Don't. I suck at covering those up."

"Tell me what I want to hear." He responded as I fought not to moan. He made me feel and think things that I wasn't supposed to, that a good little Catholic girl like me was raised not to.

"You win! I say whatever you want if you just stop!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, laughing. I covered my mouth immediately, remembering where we were. After a few moments of muffled laughter, I realized that no one was going to come down here and no one cared.

"God you're so distracting." Ethan pretended to be upset, turning away from me, but moments later, his lips met mine again. I could tell what was on his mind and it was on mine too, but we couldn't … not yet. My period.

"We can't." I whispered, my lip gloss smeared all over his face. "Not today…" My voice trailed off as Ethan backed off disappointed. Needless to say that after that we actually got work done.

* * *

I woke up a week later jumping out of the bathroom, thrilled. "Yes!" I screamed randomly as a groggy Miranda opened her eyes, a little more than disturbed by my outburst.

"Unless you just won a couple of million, you have some explaining to do." Miranda demanded, propping herself up on her left elbow.

"Do you see these hands? These are clean hands … blood free hands."

"That's gross Lizzie."

"No it's not. That's great news for me." I sighed happily, falling back on the bed beside her.

"Why would your period not being on being so monumental?" Miranda yawned. "A couple of months ago, you were praying for it, you got it, freaked out, and now you're happy it's gone. Spill."

"No story here."

"Yes there is. Elizabeth McGuire, is there a guy you've been waiting to do it with?" She sat up all the way, very alert and awake.

"I'm Catholic and that's not allowed."

"I'm the school musical's lead vocals and I'm not supposed to smoke, but I do it anyway." She shrugged. "But only on rare occasions."

"Being in a musical vs. religion? Come on."

"I know that look. You've at least been thinking of doing it, if not actually doing it. And you never fully explained why you had me pick you up in a white sheet near Ethan Craft's house."

"We haven't done anything … yet." I sighed, deciding just to tell her the entire thing so she could help me out with a couple of things.

"Are you aware that he's dating Kate?"

"Do you know he hates her?" I answered back. "I know it doesn't make it right, but I can't control what I feel for him. Miranda, it's more than a little crush. I really want him." She giggled as I threw a pillow at her. "Not like that, but like the Kate Hudson-Matthew Mcconaughey way."

"They had sex."

"Okay .. Jack and Rose from Titanic?"

"Sex in the car."

"Suyuri and the Chairman in that Geisha movie."

"Oh, you got me."

"So you'd become a prostitute for him? Nice?"

"He really wants it Miranda and we were so close that time. I could feel his body like connect to mine--"

"Whoa, Miss McGuire. No pornos. I don't do that whole thing well." Miranda stopped me from talking.

"Okay, I'll just get to it. Tell me everything you know about sex."

"Huh?"

"Like where you put your hands, what you do with your legs, where should you be … the important stuff."

"One, don't overanalyze, two I think the more important question is are you ready for this?"

"Of course."

"So you've already bought condoms … and birth control?"

"Well … I haven't … I…"

"It's too soon. You're just a little … excited about the changes in your body. Sex is nothing to rush." Miranda rested her head back on the pillow.

"Why is it okay for you to do and not me?"

Miranda smiled. "Because you are what they call 'All-American'. You've got the blonde hair, blue eyes, cheerleader body and I'm just the exotic-looking girl. Everyone already expects me to be …experienced."

"Well, I don't buy into that. We're all American and neither of us is perfect."

* * *

(A/N: So it's no longer a one shotter! --NL)


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